Finding love has never been easy for anyone, the process of getting to know someone and going on dates sounds daunting to many, but now in 2021, with a global pandemic in the midst, dating is harder than ever before. A complex area, turned even more complex. There are couples battling the pandemic facing struggles they never even knew existed, and on the other hand singles looking for love are finding COVID-19 to be a huge obstacle in their path. So what is finding love really like during a global pandemic?
The main, and most obvious issue with dating during a pandemic is of course the fact that the UK is in lockdown, meaning no meeting up with anyone from any other households. So what does this mean for someone trying to find love? No dinner dates (or no dates at all, in this case!) no being able to meet the family, no sex life, the list goes on and on. This is a major obstacle in dating as the only other option to meet new faces is to make dating apps your new best friend.
Dating apps and websites like Tinder, Match.com and Bumble are thriving through the pandemic. Download rates are now sky-high and people are beginning to realise this is their only option and last resort to find their soulmates. Zoom and Facetime calls are the only form of communication where both singles can actually see and hear the other person they have been chatting to. But is this really the same as dating face to face? First date conversations with the intent of getting to know one another has quickly turned into awkward zoom calls with poor signal the same as tragic first dates have quickly turned into a marathon of bad zoom call dates. Dating during a pandemic is not easy and many singles are struggling to say the least.
So many people are reliant on spontaneity when finding their soulmate. There is no bumping into someone at bars or clubs anymore, the only chance of spontaneity now is bumping into someone at your local supermarket. Before, you could find your soulmate in the most random of places, this sense of hope is gone now for many singles dating, which has really had a knock on effect on confidence levels when finding someone to spend the rest of their lives with.
Zoom call dates. Who would have thought this would be the newest and most effective way of dating due to the circumstances of COVID19? The awkward having to get the right angle, having to make sure you look presentable (even if that be from bottom up) and having to make sure you are in a place where you get good signal. Doesn’t sound very appealing. For many singles, this is their only option to dating as face to face dates is out of the picture for now. Claire Kerr, a student at Glasgow University who has been trying to find love during the pandemic said:
“I find zoom calls a lot more awkward, even though a first date is awkward anyway I think the conditions of zoom are a lot more awkward. It is so hard to assess body language and how someone feels as well as be yourself through a camera.”
Although the cons outweigh the pros when online dating, there are some singles that feel there are still a few positives whilst dating through zoom calls. A major pro being that people are becoming better at setting boundaries and letting people know how they really feel without feeling as guilty. When going on a first proper date, it is much easier to promise a second date with no intention of seeing them again due to not wanting to hurt the person, compared to on zoom where it is easy to just hang up the call and ‘ghost’ the person without feeling bad.
Another minor positive to online dating is that it makes people focus more on getting to know the person without it leading to just having a one night stand, there is no physical aspect to it therefore people have to ask questions and really get to know the person on a deeper level. Psychologist and therapist Emma Kenny said:
“Research shows that you are far more likely to go exclusive if you are video dating and that your intimacy and bond seems to deepen. It makes you home in on conversation, making effort to listen without feeling it is about anticipation about something happening afterwards and I think that means conversation will have a more grown, impactful experience.”
Putting the few minor positives aside, people not being able to meet face to face means no sex, which can be an important part in relationships. One night stands are being forced to be a thing of the past and new couples are being deprived of any type of sexual activity which can be difficult thing for single people to factor into their dating lives. Emma Kenny said:
“The fact you can't have sex is a huge negative, you can have phone, video and text sex but it is not the same as that hit of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin, so it kind of immediately puts you in the distance zone, and we know that distance relationships are far more complex. This is also frustrating as when you start dating someone you want to connect physically.”
Being single in 2021 has never been more of a struggle. Dating as we know it has changed, and is a lot more scary and intimidating. Although there is a lot more free time to be spent possibly finding the love of your life, it is not as easy and spontaneous as it was before. Many have tried to see the good in being put in lock down, seeing it as an opportunity to spend more free time dating. Claire said:
“At the start it was hard to even be motivated to date as you have just been landed with all this free time. It was not just something to do to pass time, it was something I wanted to do. I’m not going to get all this free time handed to me ever again, so I took it as a chance to find love.”
Dating hasn’t only affected singles during the pandemic but has also had a straining effect on couples too. It can be hard for couples don’t live together or live close to each other and cannot physically see their significant other. That feeling of intimacy, being able to hug and kiss is gone with no certainty of when it will return has its own effects. On the other hands couples staying together too are affected as being cooped in a house together 24/7 could make some go crazy. The pandemic has its effects on every sort of relationship, whether that be single or taken. Emma said:
“I think the global pandemic is literally the worst thing to happen in the history of life and relationships and needs to end immediately but I guess what it has given us is time to think about what matters most. The things we have taken for granted become pivotal and that creates a deepening of not only what we want but gratitude for what we will eventually have, that is the only thing we will pull from this pandemic.”
So what do we pull from this? The struggles of dating and finding a soulmate during a pandemic are rife and people have no sense of hope to when normality will be back. People took normal dating for granted, from the awkward first date to the awkward first kiss, people miss it. For Claire things ended up working in her favour, she said:
“I have managed to meet someone and am in the early stages, for me it has worked well but I can see for some why it wouldn’t. I was able to get over that initial awkwardness that I didn’t like at the start, I think there is a possibility for everyone to do the same.”